The Worth of a Horse...

I haven't posted in a while. Lack of motivation... lack of time, and lets face it who actually reads my blog posts?... They are more for me then for anyone else, but lately I've been doing a lot of self contemplation about what's important in life so I'm sending this one into the void and I hope that if someone else reads it they take something positive away from it. 

I've seen my fair share of life struggles... divorced parents, abusive step parents, long distance moves,  strained relationships, lost time with family that can never be made up (but thankfully are better now) job losses and struggles, hard life choices, and it seems to me the one constant thing in my life has always been, and hopefully always will be, horses. I work like crazy to afford my horse addiction. Most normal people would, and have told me that the amount of money I spend on my horse and the amount of work I do to make sure I can continue to keep him ... the sacrifices I've made and the choices I've made just to ensure his future are crazy... I don't spend nearly as much as some do on this crazy sport... and recently I started to think maybe they were right? Maybe. I let the negative creep in. 

Life has a tendency to knock you down...

The $600+ in student loans take  their toll... and its going to take  8 years to pay them off.. yep 8 years.  The student loans are a quarter of your take home pay... Side note... don't take out loans for school its not worth it!

People you thought were your friends take advantage of you... not paying rent, and then not splitting the refunds from your recently vacated shared apartment... and basically stealing money from you after you so patiently and forgivingly let so many things slide and did something nice for them to help them... all the while acting like you're crazy for suggesting you can't trust them financially or as a friend... and throwing away 2 years of friendship. 

The job you love you also hate... because you're working so hard just to keep a float, and do the best you can for the 16 first graders depending on you to shape their future.  How are your screw ups, learning curves and imperfections going to affect them... their futures... their lives? Yet you can never seem to get ahead or find a life balance... all the while feeling like the scape goat for our country's failing education system... when in reality our government is making decisions that don't allow us teachers to do our jobs and our parents are failing to parent. Never mind the fact that every year you face the possibility that your job could disappear and you could be back to square one... again.  

You start to wonder if life will ever smooth out... feel normal or be easy... ever. Even just for a moment. You get stuck in the negative. And you think maybe letting go of the one thing you care so much about might make life easier... take one stress factor... finding away to keep from losing what you love off your plate... accept the inevitable... rip off the bandaid... give up. And, then you have a day like I had to day and you remember why... why you fight so hard to hold onto what you love. 

I had a day off work. I put everything aside and stopped thinking about it. I rode in a lesson today. The sun was shining. There was a breeze and it was just cool enough that it felt like fall in Florida finally. We had a small... almost insignificant moment... literally a moment... where I was working so hard to ride my horse correctly even though every muscle in my body was protesting and then I felt it click... and for that one moment my horse was connected and carrying me... really truly... not just half way...rather then me struggling to hold him together... to keep myself balanced and for a split second riding felt easy... or easier. It didn't last... we went right back to struggling to find a balance and a connection, but I realized that all the hard work we do together made that small moment possible and that if we keep working those small moments will become bigger... longer... better and more connected. Maybe life is that way too... the small moments make the hard ones bearable. 

I rode him back to the barn with that realization and my horse was perfect and quiet on the rode despite our friend's younger less experienced horse having moments of spookiness and I thought about how far we'd come together in a relationship thats lasted over ten years. I spent the evening hanging out with my horse friends at the new barn we are moving to and I realized how many awesome friends I have made because of my horse.  How many amazing connections I've made because of him. 

In every up and down I've faced...  every loss... every achievement... ever moment... good... bad... positive... negative... aggravating... and awesome moments, horses have always been there for me. 

You can't put a price tag on that. 

Make It Go Sideways...

Where to start? the last 3 weeks have actually been pretty eventful in spotted pony land... which is a very nice change considering how little I've had time to ride in the last 6 months. Tomorrow is my last day of freedom before spring break ends and the teaching marathon to summer vacation begins, and I plan to make the most of it, and keep my forward momentum going so that by some miracle we might be ready to try a training level dressage class at some point this summer .

Rio went to his first show in... a really long time, and his first english pleasure show ever with his young leaser Laura. It was fun getting to know Laura and her mom Carol a little bit better, and bond over the experience through prepping for the show which included a 3 and a half hour braiding marathon... I will never do that again! I'd rather pay someone else to braid! 

I was really impressed with the two of them I have to say. Rio got off the trailer and pretty much settled in like it was his long lost home. He placed well despite some communication glitches between the two, and a lot of rushing between classes. 

More importantly I think going to the show served a few good purposes. First, we all got a little closer, and having a team is vital to riding and showing successfully. Second, I was able to get Rio out in a controlled setting, and act as support from the ground which was a confidence boost for myself.  With out their help, and ability to haul a trailer that probably would not have happened, and it made the idea of going to a show and riding myself a little less intimidating. I was able to school Rio between classes, and give Laura a few pointers, that I think made a difference in their final two rides of the day. Again a major confidence boost for me in what I know, my ability to teach others, and how well I know my horse. 

Laura was able to compare her riding with the other competitors and I think came away with a better understanding of what it means to have connection and consistent contact through the reins and using her seat as a driving factor to attain that connection. She's starting lessons with my new instructor, and I am very excited to see her work on her dressage skills because I think she has a lot of natural ability and drive, and the end result will be a very good rider. I have to also selfishly admit that the added rides Rio will get out of it with Casey our new coach will be an equally awesome bonus. I see such a difference in how he responds to aids and moves in just two lessons with her. 

We've got a lot to work on. Our biggest issue is that Rio is stiff through his back and needs a lot of suppling and strengthening in that department. I'm working on sitting straight, and keeping my center of balance back over the saddle so that I can ride more effectively to help him bend and stay balanced. When I'm correct he's correct. Its made me much more aware of how I affect him. Even though we're struggling the thing that excites me the most is that by the end of each lesson I can feel a difference in my own posture and effectiveness, and in Rio's responsiveness to my aides. While the next several weeks are going to be stressful with all the testing and the end of school year routines to get through making that progress is a very motivating factor in my attitude when it comes to making time to ride at the end of a 12+ hour work day. 

The other part that I love about our new riding instructor is how fun she makes the lessons. She listens to what you want, and sets realistic goals to work on, and she has a sense of humor about the whole thing that makes you relax. Even during our first lesson 5 minutes in I felt like I was talking to a friend which hopefully she will become, but point being she made it very fun, and very not intimidating. My favorite quotes of the week include... make it go sideways... which sounds silly, but the little bit of lateral movement I've learned to get out of him really has made a huge difference in suppling him... and "You have to bend... you're not a 2 by 4, your not a 2 by 6, and you're definitely not a 2 x 8".... which pretty much accurately describes Rio's main issue right now. At the very least the banter back and fourth makes for an interesting ride. 

Given how much work his canter needs this may be a lofty goal, but I'd like to enter him in a training level dressage class at some point this summer, which right now doesn't seem completely impossible if we can find some consistency over the next couple of months. 

On a side note... my roommate is fired! The job of picture taker and videographer is now open  for applications... the only major requirement is that you be able to keep the camera focused on the horse... in the right direction... though I will admit her videos are entertaining... just a little... 

Happy riding all!